


it's heaven

by xundaeism



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Eventual Fluff, Feelings Realization, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-31 13:58:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21447334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xundaeism/pseuds/xundaeism
Summary: There are too many uncertainties in Baekhyun’s mind.There is but one truth: that he cherishes Oh Sehun.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 68
Collections: with love from your mods。





	it's heaven

**Author's Note:**

> hello, windy sunshines! :D  
I'm bad at wording my own feelings, so I'm only going to say that I am beyond thankful with all of you: authors, readers, prompters, ghostie supporters, I love you all!  
THANK YOU! 
> 
> (and i hope you like this tiny piece i put together here, pls enjoy)

… Fifteen sheep, sixteen sheep, seventeen sheep.

Baekhyun is sleeping alone.

Eighteen sheep, nineteen sheep.

Sehun is far, so far away, inside his own room.

Twenty sheep.

Sehun is inside his own room, _ with _Junmyeon.

Fuck sheep, they’re not working; and fuck Junmyeon, and fuck Sehun too. Baekhyun _ should _be the one sleeping with him. Sleeping, cuddling, huddling together; if he was eager enough: making out, osculating, smooching, or lip fondling… but he is not. Neither near Sehun, nor eager.

Baekhyun is alone, solo, not even the innocent little lambs nigh his head keep him company. They all run away as soon as he harbors them wandering around on a green field, with big red numbers painted on their wool, free but close.

Unlike Baekhyun, desolate at somber dusk, as his heart shrinks and throes inside his chest expand.

His heart carried the burden of his own masked emotions, and refused to affirm the way his heartbeat increased every time Sehun looked at him.

It’s likely, if he acknowledged his feelings for Sehun, Sehun would do the same. All the gazing, and gentle caresses, the numberless ‘I miss you’, ‘stay safe’, ‘eat well’, don’t mean nothing.

_ They were boozed up the first time Baekhyun’s lips touched Sehun’s. _

_ Sitting on the marble floor of Sehun’s apartment, three bottles of sangiovese wine laid on their backside and a nearly empty bowl of chips between the both of them, Sehun leaned towards Baekhyun’s face. After bumping their foreheads and loosening up their uncertainty, their lips melted into each other’s. _

_ They don’t remember exactly what occurred after the incident, but the sensation of their breath against the other’s giggles persisted indelible. And since then, they have been secretly skimming lips, fearsome of what would happen next if they were to go further, or rather, too far. _

Their friendship matters, their group matters, Baekhyun is just fine the way they are — except that he is not. The more he finds himself staring at Sehun, the more he realizes he is falling in love with him. So he keeps his sentiments of enamourment for himself, tightly constrained in a transparent cage in the middle of every room he walks past and by, where surely everyone can notice them but no one is gallant or hasty enough to speak about them. Not even him, not even Sehun, because of course, Sehun must _ know _ by now. Baekhyun is not notorious for being discreet.

Unaware, as his mind hastens through the thought and travail of missing Sehun, Baekhyun dozes silently, letting himself go to the place where no one can hurt him. Not even himself. A dream where Sehun holds him, whispers charming words on his lips, loves him with no restrictions. A dream where Baekhyun isn't afraid, where he comprehends everything that matters.

He comprehends his devotion, affection and fondness. His love.

* * *

  
  


The morning glare bounces from the large windows to the white carpet as Baekhyun leaves the room he tried to sleep in.

Large pink dogwoods blush the cabin's surroundings and are easily seen from inside. As the sun's shining light moves across its flowers, the interiors seem like a cute Snow filter. The fans would love that… but Baekhyun's not in the mood.

Even so, it could be picture-perfect right there if he knew how to hide his petulance exactly how he hides his feelings for a certain someone.

"Hey."

Baekhyun looks around and finds Chanyeol right in front of him. For how long has he been there?

"Hey," he sighs.

Baekhyun walks himself dragging his feet towards the living, and let's himself fall on a sofa.

Chanyeol follows him. He hesitates, but sits beside Baekhyun anyway.

There's a seemingly sempiternal silence that engulfs and shrinks Baekhyun's stomach. It's a new day, he cannot feel alone _ again _.

Only after he lets out an unintentional groan is that Chanyeol asks: “Bad night?”

At first blush his tone makes him consider it a gesture of intimacy, and even if it's not Baekhyun thinks it's okay, he needs someone to care.

“Couldn’t sleep well,” he mumbles, dragging syllables with diffidence. “I look that bad?” He smirks softly, his eyelids heavy and his head resting on the cushioned backrest.

“Kind of,” Chanyeol drags, “that’s it?”

“That’s it,” Baekhyun lies.

More silence.

Chanyeol knows. He must know.

“Kyung-ah said we’ll be going to the river today so we better get ready…” Chanyeol gets up rapidly, causing the cushions to dip and Baekhyun along with them.

“Yeah,” he hesitates, “I think I’ll pass.” Thinking of Sehun and then of his feelings. Then, of Sehun and his feelings together in the same room, his voice falters. It’s direful.

“You know, running away from what’s making you upset won’t fix it,” Chanyeol murmurs.

A sudden haze dams Baekhyun's pupils as his psyche wanders by arresting ideas, conceptions, and Sehun.

What is he running away from?

Oh, he knows. The thing is he doesn't want to know. So he'll pretend he doesn't.

* * *

There are too many uncertainties in Baekhyun’s mind.

There is but one truth: that he cherishes Oh Sehun.

He can't pretend anymore.

“Baekhyun! Jongdae! It’s time to leave!”

It’s time.

* * *

The fanfare rings, too loud, in Baekhyun’s ears. The dark green van is almost full: Chanyeol is the one driving while Minseok sits in the passenger seat — everyone else goes accommodated on the two large seats placed at the back, on the sides.

It’s a shame Yixing isn’t coming this time, he would always find a way to brighten Baekhyun’s mood even when he felt bright enough. Also, every time Yixing comes along he brings his Ford Passenger Van that he got as a gift from one of his many Chinese sponsors, just for situations like this one. That thing fits more than ten people inside so it’s perfect for them. 

Thus, there’s a reticent, tired and raddled Baekhyun missing Yixing — who’s not there; and the same Baekhyun missing Sehun — who’s right beside him.

_ Right. Beside. Him _.

The van is not modest but it isn't big enough for eight grown men, which means, Baekhyun is not only near Sehun but their arms are touching. _ Touch _, exactly what he wanted to do last night but he couldn’t, because Sehun was too occupied sleeping next to Junmyeon.

Jongdae joins them last, screeching about how Jongin took way too long showering and left the bathroom wet and jumbled. Jongin responds back defending himself and blaming Minseok for taking his bathrobe and hiding the shampoo; and a battle of whos, wheres and whys begins.

Among all the babel, Baekhyun doesn’t realize when Sehun shifts his body a little bit towards him and then places his left arm around his shoulders — it’s too quotidian, too ordinary — but when Baekhyun does notice, his first reflex is to rest his head on Sehun’s chest. 

(It feels like heaven.)

  
  


The joyride doesn’t take more than fifteen minutes, which is good for Baekhyun’s spirit and state of mind. As much as he enjoys the soothing warmth Sehun lavishes, he can’t quite forget about last night’s fresh realizations — nor the fact that he counts on his fearlessness to finally speak up about them to the person he has to.

“I think here is fine,” Junmyeon says, pointing with his two index fingers to the ground, around fifty feet to the right from where they parked the van.

Jongin, Chanyeol, and Minseok carry the baskets containing their foodstuff, as Sehun helps Junmyeon clean the spot they’re using to lie on; Jongdae waits quietly beside them, holding the blankets they brought to protect their morning meal from insects and other nuisances.

“Aren't I supposed to be the tight-lipped one?” Kyungsoo speaks in a low voice, a few steps behind Baekhyun.

When he reaches his side, Kyungsoo gives the impression of being alarmed by his quiescence. Baekhyun enjoys working in a team; plenty of opinions about anything and everything are well received by him: the more hands the better. Instead, he decided to wipe clean the curtailed bamboo mats Kyungsoo brought to place the food on. A silent, lonely job.

Baekhyun grunts. “All of you forgot I’m not a morning person,” he shows pique and indignation through a frown, “just needed my sleep.”

There’s a giggle, and it’s not Baekhyun’s.

“Okay, okay. Got it.”

He can hear Kyungsoo’s smirk. It bothers him, but if there is no need to say a word he won’t.

“Let’s go, it’s all set.” Kyungsoo takes the mats from Baekhyun’s hands and then beckons him to join the others.

  
  


All they did was eat merrily, joking, teasing each other and chatting occasionally about their schedule or plans — except for Baekhyun, who did eat, joke, and chat, but also held Sehun's arm the entire time.

To be fair, it was Sehun the one who started it all. Kind of.

Baekhyun sat at the corner of the blanket, next to Kyungsoo but leaving ample space on the other side, which Sehun took quickly after everyone commenced eating. At first, the proximity was enough for the both of them — minutes later, Baekhyun picked up a slice of mango, using the bright blue plastic chopsticks they got from a convenience store and moved closer to Sehun to feed him.

Sehun took a bite and then he smiled sweetly at Baekhyun. “Thnk yh, hyng,” he mumbled as he chewed.

Minseok called him out for talking with a full mouth, and the maknae immediately snuggled the tip of his nose into Baekhyun's fluffy hair as an attempt to hide himself from the scolding.

(Baekhyun instantly thought, that felt like heaven too.)

  
  


One of them, perhaps Minseok, brought a board game. A fan sent it as a gift to the group on their fourth anniversary, it's now a tradition to play it every time they all get together. 

They have to divide in two teams.

Rock, paper, scissors made Junmyeon and Baekhyun the two leaders of each team, and it’s time for them to pick their teammates. 

The next round decides Baekhyun can go first. He thinks of choosing Kyungsoo because he’s good at this, but oh boy, he suddenly sees the look on Junmyeon’s face and he is not letting this happen _ again _. 

“Sehunnie,” he chimes contently.

Sehun doesn’t hide the quick happy twist of his mouth and takes a place next to Baekhyun.

Junmyeon chooses Kyungsoo. The process keeps going until it’s all set up and they begin the competition.

Nobody wins because everybody cheats. Their only rule is there are no rules. They _ have _ to follow rules all the time, when they're alone like this it's only sane they get to be rule-less.

"S'there any yakgwa left?" Jongin asks right after the game finishes.

"You had three bowls of jjajangmyeon like three seconds ago," Jongdae chides as he chews the last mandoo in one go.

Jongin ignores him.

Baekhyun's lips curl gently as he inclines his body to the side, lifting his arm on top of Sehun's crossed legs to reach for the bag where he packed the sweet leftovers.

"Here," he says, and throws the bag at Jongin's hands.

"Thanks, Baek-hyung!"

He's about to straighten up when he realizes there's another thing he can do. A better thing. Baekhyun pulls his arm back to his side, and then leans his head on Sehun’s thigh. It takes only a moment for Sehun to process the situation but as soon as he does, he takes one of his hands to the fabric of Baekhyun's sweater, from his lower back to his shoulders, and then lower to his hip. “Wanna kiss you,” Baekhyun mouths, gazing at Sehun's eyes the entire time. He can see the way Sehun's Adam's apple bobs as he gulps. He's nervous and, strangely, Baekhyun finds that so fucking hot.

Time passes with Baekhyun's head placed on Sehun’s thigh, laughing and picking at Jongdae for trying to hide all the leftovers, while some, or many hidden caresses go unnoticed. Feels good, but it could feel better.

* * *

There are only a few hours left of their time off. Eleven, to be accurate.

Baekhyun grabbed Sehun by the arm the second the group went back to the cabin, and each one took the path to their room—except for Sehun.

The bed soothes their muscles as the two of them lay down on it. Immediately, Sehun gets closer to Baekhyun's face, touches the tip of his nose with his own and looks into his eyes. “Heard you were grumpy this morning,” he says.

“Maybe," Baekhyun sighs, "it's not unusual, though”.

“Mm? You sure? We've shared the bed before and you’ve never been grumpy.”

“Yeah, I guess… but we didn't 'share the bed' yesterday,” Baekhyun answers.

“Oh.” Sehun doesn't contain the giggle in his throat. “I get it.”

Baekhyun perceives a blissful spark in his voice.

“Get what?” Baekhyun asks and pulls away.

“I had to choose someone to sleep with yesterday, and I didn’t choose you,” Sehun says. “I'm sorry.”

Baekhyun chews his bottom lip and breathes out slowly.

"It’s cool," he shrugs, "just… why didn't you?"

By the look on Sehun's face, he had anticipating the question. "Well… when we started this-this thing, this whatever it is," Sehun licks his lips before continuing, "you said it'd be better if we keep it lowkey. I figured… you know?"

"I said that?" Baekhyun's nose crinkles. Sehun nods. "But, Sehunnie," Baekhyun lifts himself, dipping his left elbow on the mattress and leaning closer to Sehun's face, "don't you think distancing ourselves like that would make them wonder more? I'm saying, we tend to be together at all times, especially when it comes to cuddling. Wouldn't it be weird for them our behavior changes so suddenly?" 

Sehun's eyelashes flutter in confusion, and when the reasoning kicks in, his eyebrows knit.

"I… I didn't think of that," he admits and glances hesitantly at Baekhyun.

"Yeah, you don't think of lots of things."

Sehun instantly screws up his face. "Now what is that supposed to mean?"

The sight of Sehun's full pout and forever straight eyebrows, now furrowed, made Baekhyun push him onto the bed and hover over his face.

"Nothing, babe," he mutters as his lips linger millimeters away from Sehun's. "It's nothing."

And Sehun has always had a hard time resisting Baekhyun's proximity but this time is different —not easier, only different— because Baekhyun can feel Sehun's heart palpitate vigorously, just like his.

For him. For _ this _.

They have always called it "this", no labels no names. This, them, their thing, whatever they do, it's theirs and it's unreal.

Would it change anything if it became real?

"Hyung, I like you," Sehun says, "so much."

There is no wait or time for expectation. Sehun leans in and closes the gap. Their mouths find each other in a disastrous collision of teeth, lips and tongues that brew a disheveled embrace.

Baekhyun launches himself brashly into Sehun’s arms, sending him to the edge of his senses… and the bed, which causes both of them to collapse to the ground.

As if nothing happened, Baekhyun says with a straight face: “I like you too.”

Sehun snorts. “Fantastic, but please, be more careful.”

“Noted.” Baekhyun mutters. 

They smile. Widely. Hugely. Colossally. So goddamn big their jaws hurt.

“So… just to be clear, you got jealous I slept with Junmyeon, right?”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes and gets up only to sit on the floor. Sehun stays where he is; he finds he likes the view.

“I wasn’t jealous," Baekhyun babbles and pouts. "There was something… at the back of my head telling me if we weren’t hiding, you wouldn’t have to choose anymore between any of them and me because it’d always be me.”

“But it_ is _ always you.” Sehun’s mouth curls into a smile.

There's when Baekhyun finds himself in shambles. He gets it now, he has loved Sehun for a long time now and he doesn't plan on ever stopping. And cherry on top, Sehun loves him too.

"You're blushing," Baekhyun mocks him, because he can't think of anything else to say at the moment.

It's not the time to tell Sehun he's been waiting far too long for this moment.

It's not the time to tell Sehun he might have loved him for longer than he realized.

It's not the time to say anything at all.

"And you're an asshole." Sehun crosses his arms in front of chest, making Baekhyun gasp loudly and grin.

"That must be why you like me," he chuckles.

"Shut up, you're gross," Sehun groans and gets up in a quick jump, throwing himself to the bed and snuggling his face on the nearest pillow.

Baekhyun smiles at him even if Sehun can't see him. He pulls himself up and crawls on the bed.

"Come on, don't be a baby," he says.

"But I am your baby," Sehun whines, muzzles.

Baekhyun cracks up and squats next to his head, lightly brushing his fingertips on Sehun's nape. "You know what I mean."

"I don't," Sehun keeps whining.

"Really?" Baekhyun grumbles, and finally Sehun lifts his head up, narrows his eyes and purses his lips.

"Prove it." He slants his body just a little to the side, placing his elbow on the pillow as his hips rest over the sheets 

"Yeah. Okay. How?" Baekhyun asks.

Sehun puffs his cheeks. A baby.

"Fine."

Baekhyun brings his hand to Sehun's available shoulder and pushes him down so he lies on his back. He brings himself up on top of Sehun's body, bends down placing his palms on Sehun's chest, then asks: "You think I can kiss as proof?”

Sehun pouts and shrugs his shoulders. "You can try," he says.

So, Baekhyun tries.

He kisses all of Sehun's upper body. Teensy smooches from the tips of his hair to his waist. If he went any lower there would be a problem. Two problems, to be precise.

In the middle of Baekhyun's kissy-session Sehun tells him it's okay, that's proof enough, but Baekhyun doesn't stop… because Sehun is laughing. His laugh is so fucking ugly. Yet, it's Baekhyun's favourite sound in the entire universe. 

There, as Baekhyun smacks his lips against Sehun's skin, as he hears Sehun's laughter, as he feels his heart bursting with joy, he realizes what all this time felt like heaven, wasn’t heaven.

It was Sehun.


End file.
